I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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