I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
