She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
