we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
