it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
