So drunk its hurt
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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