bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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