i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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