Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
