If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
