Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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