I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
