im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
