hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
