she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
