i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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