Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
