sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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