Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
