if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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