Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
