Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
