drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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