I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize