Midget sex pt 2 tonight
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
