If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
please don't ironically join a cult
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