i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
