i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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