What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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