I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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