well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He kissed a someone with a penis
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize