I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
