When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Porn is love you can see.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
