4 words: hood of his car
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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