If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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