i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize