Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
