i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
