you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
