it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It's just like the Real World with babies
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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