marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
