What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
