i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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