Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
