A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
