nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
