thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
