You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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