and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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