I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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