I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
