I want to have your abortion
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
