Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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