did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize