Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
