She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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