FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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