i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
