This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
