I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
