do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
