absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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