she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
