someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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