apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
it's great music for shaving your balls
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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