party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize