She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize