it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
