Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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