Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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