so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
