you guys were way drunker than both of me
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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