I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
